We encourage our clients to set goals. We have a whole section of our philosophy dedicated to the “why” of what we are doing and powerful goals are the foundation to an awesome existence. Goals contribute to growth which is one of the 6 human needs as described by the teachings of Tony Robins. We love Goals!
As part of the goal setting process, the reason that a goal has been chosen is worth considering. Goals are simply vehicles to produce feelings that we desire. It is for this reason that sometimes, when we achieve a goal, we may paradoxically experience a sense of dissatisfaction or disillusionment. We had expected that achieving this “thing” would make us feel a certain way and sometimes it doesn’t.
It’s a fascinating subject and if you’re interested in further reading check out some links at the end of this article to some of our teachings on goals.
The reason that I mention this in relation to being happy more of the time, is that when we distill most goals down, they are simply vehicles to happiness at some level. Often a feeling of peace and pleasure is also sought. The thing with these feelings is that they are ALL transient. They may be wonderful whilst they are manifested, but they will pass. This is the fundamental key to understanding how to be happy or to experience a feeling of peace more often. Let’s explore this a little more.
Our mind is truly an incredible thing. It takes experiences and classifies them based on outcomes and how they make us feel. It then decides whether to gravitate towards that experience again and looks for ways to create more positive feelings in our lives. The thing is that if we start to allow ourselves to feel profound disappointment at the passing of happy moments, our brains can associate this as being too difficult for us and actually moves subconsciously to make sure we don’t experience this pain again. By doing this we can actually start to avoid some of the deeply happy moments in our lives!
A good example off this is the person that experienced a deeply loving relationship. That magical time when you fall deeply in love with a person and your whole world revolves around that part of your life! If that relationship ends for some reason, it can cause the individual to actively avoid relationships in the future. Ringing true of any of you?
So lets explore a way of using self talk (our internal dialogue) to think of a new way to make sense of thoughts and feelings in our mind. Start to discuss with yourself the fact that ALL feelings will pass at some point. How we feel about things WILL change over time. Feelings you’ve had in the past (good and bad) have come and go. They will come and go in the future.
If we are experiencing negative emotions just say to yourself “there we go - a negative emotion that’s probably linked to a thought. It may pass if I change my focus. If not then it will pass over time.” On the converse be aware that when you are in a sense of flow and deep peace and happiness that this will also pass at some point. Continue to celebrate and perpetuate the feeling of joy, but don’t be afraid that it may pass. Just live in the now.
The simple acknowledgement that everything is transitory means we don’t feel as much disappointment when the good times wain. We just know that they will return again at some point in the future. All of us have experienced good and bad feelings in the past. They come and go. This is the key insight to feeling more balanced.
So next time you are meditating, take a moment to check in with your feelings. Just be aware of them and let them manifest and flow. Think of them like a tide on a beach through the changing seasons. Like the sea, your emotional states come in and out with varying magnitudes in different weathers. The only constant is that they will come and they will go. Learn to dance in the rain and go surfing in the winter. When summer comes enjoy it, even though other climates may be around the corner. Be generally mindful and kind to yourself. If you practice this we promise you will start to feel more balanced and whole. Oh and don’t forget to…..